All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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