I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
