singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
