I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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