i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
