I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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