I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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