Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
