I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She told me I should be a condom model.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
