SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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