I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
