How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
