we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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