Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk is not a location!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
