Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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