your thong is hanging out like whoa
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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