that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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