he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
