what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
