yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
