The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
