She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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