Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
