I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
