Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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