Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
