he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
