Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
