i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
