The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
