He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
