Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
