we're making bets on your personal life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize