turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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