what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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