His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
