I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
