I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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