True but thats because hes a fetus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
