It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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