I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize