Umm I'm too high to move.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
