what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
