ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize