i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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