Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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