ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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