I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
