Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
