Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
