Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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