I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
