I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
