I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
