My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
