ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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