Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
