is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
