My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
