she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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