im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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