But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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