if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
