No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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