mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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