On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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