I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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