you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
