Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ugly people sure do ruin things
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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