____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
