Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
