is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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